I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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