I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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