i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
