Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
