"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
