If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
