did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I need help removing her.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
