Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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