I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Someone shit on the floor
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
