everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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