Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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