why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
