I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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