I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
