Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
