I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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