From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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