Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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