I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
