this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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