you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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