The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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