How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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