did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sorry my hands just texted you
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof