Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.