Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?