apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.