God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
