forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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