what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
