Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
