He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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