the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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