dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
