I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
