Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
