I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
