we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
