Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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