do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
