There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you inspire me to be a worse person
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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