I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize