This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
