You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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