I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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