if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
