I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
