So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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