bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
