Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
