Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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