I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
