Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize