Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
