The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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