Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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