ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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