Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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