can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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