I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
