he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
