dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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