Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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