I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
