so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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