dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You are the jesus of drinking
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
