ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
