haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You made out with two different species that night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
