I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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