Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
