I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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