When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Someone signed my nipple.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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