currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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