Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
